28 weeks

After 8 months of singleness (I use singleness here in its more precise definition, of neither married nor seeking relationships) I have come to some realizations.
First, I no longer remember what it is to seek after that connection. I still remember what I did, and a shadow of how it felt, but the acute longing that forced me time and again to put my heart on the line is gone.
Second, when I think logically about why I would want to be in a relationship, beyond wanting a family of my own, I see that it offers very little. Having a boyfriend would make it no easier to deal with my B.B. Problem, nor would it add purpose to my mundane employment.
Thirdly, relationships are very messy and never a one was ideal. They are painful as any operation, though hopefully under the anaesthesia of endorphins and googly-eyes. At the same time knowing that bitterness, whether alone or married, can eat away at one's contentedness. Each person must think their marriage ideal, and work to make it so.
In conclusion I would like to say, if you had a year to live, would you spend it the way I would?

My point exactly.

I insinuated in "One last Tolstoy" that it would be the final post about Tolstoy. I apologize since that is not the case.
Last night I finally got up the courage to watch Anna Karenina, with my hopes as low as possible. I think that was a good choice, because I loved it. I will probably never watch it again (it's extremely depressing) but it was an excellent adaptation of the book. It captured Tolstoy's themes in an film almost entirely composed of dancing. It was made to look like a play, with some really bizarre scene changes, that helped the movie get in as much of the plot as possible.
It reminded me that nothing is ideal. Everyone has to live with their lots, or try to change like Anna, and get something worse than what they had originally.

A better way

Disclaimer: I didn't plan this I just started writing, I'll probably edit it later.

This is the most logical argument I can think of. Being a Christian won't make your life easy, or happy, or rich or satisfied. What it will do is make it better than it would have been without Jesus.
Happiness seems to be the goal for so many people. I try to think of something comparable to this, it's sort of like always wanting to be laughing, or be angry. Happiness is an emotion, and no emotion is always sustainable, or appropriate for that matter. I think what people mean when they say "happy" is content. Contentedness is not emotional. It is logical, and it is a choice, like love. (infatuation and attraction are emotional, true Love is a choice.) It is looking at whatever situation you are in and saying, "I can live with this." or, short of that, saying, "I cannot live like this, therefore I will do something to change these circumstances or my attitude so that I can."
Real Contentedness, like real Love, is not possible without Jesus. All the logic in Vulcan cannot explain some of the awful things in life. Sometimes it takes Jesus saying, "this is the best way" before we do something. and in hindsight it does turn out to be the best way. In true hindsight, when we are all dead, we will see our lives and say, "shoot, that would have been better." because none of us does what is right all the time.