120,000 pennies

I'm at the airport in Smithers wondering how I'm going to get myself onto that plane. This place is so pure and unadulterated. I think the mountains will register when I get back to Ontario.

I have learned that travelling is amazing for showing how little I know. Every spot visited increases the unknown percentage. It is hard to realize the limits to my comprehension. But it humbles me and gives me joy that my Father wants me to know him.

I miss my mom and dad. I'm so excited to rehash everything with them and share a million stories. Most packed month of my life.

Anyways, my flight is leaving soon, and I just wanted to say, worth every penny.

A series of disturbing occurrences

This week was extremely discouraging. I allowed sickness and frustration to distract me and I had a bad time of it. It is so hard to allow yourself to care for the hurts of so many people. No human has the strength for that. I don't know what I expect from life, but I'm very selfish in my desires. I don't even have my own vision, but I don't want someone else's vision for me.
A guy fell full on his face last week and got a forehead full of gravel. 2 of my campers had lice. There was a bully beating up half the kids here. And then, at the end of the week I saw the toughest guys getting hugs, weeping, staying after chapel, and I thought, "who am I?" Who am I to think this is hopeless and useless and worthless? (Syntactical parallelism) Who I am gets sick and grumpy and frustrated and yells at kids? Who I am is not who is working here. I Am That I Am is running this camp, and he's got me here for the same reason he brought these kids here- to know him more. I'm finally writing and thinking truth as I write it down, I've just been wallowing all week. But I'm not sick anymore and I have a feeling that's why. Give me a cold and God stops being Lord in my life.

Awesome.

My mom doesn't like when people use "awesome" colloquially. She thinks it devalues the abundance of meaning it is imbued with. She is correct. Awesome. God is awesome. Nothing else is except what he does.
I told this to a girl last night, and a smile crept across her face, "I'll never think of it the same."

God is so awesome. I cannot comprehend the sequence of events that have been woven to bring me here. I am in awe. O that I would know the love that passes understanding. The paradox. The perfection of what is being sanctified.

O my God. O that you would make yourself known to the nations.

What I've been doing

 This is a mountain climbing expedition. I am photographing Kalia. Behind me are Kim and Hannah and to the right is Trish. The epic panorama is to the left...out of frame.

This is the idiot. I haven't had too much time to read but I think I'll really like it.

Purple

I see mountains when I close my eyes. Snow articulates the texture of their peaks. They stretch on in ranges for miles, farmland interspersed. Roads trace meandering lines through the farms, which sit above and below like crooked teeth on the goofy grin of the highway.

I think this is too flowery, but as I flew over this view I couldn't help but form comparisons that sound like a third grade assignment.

I'm tired. I feel less than useful. It is wonderful here, but they have a lot of people who know what they're doing. I feel like Anne, knowing that Marilla wanted a boy.